Her Despair
by degreeincuriosity
Summary: Himawari makes a vague wish, asking for her papa to come home forever. But it does have its consequences…


' _What would big brother have done?'_

Did it matter? He was a boy. He would have never encountered such a problem before. He would have never been given the opportunity. And even if he had been, she was sure that Boruto would have acted differently. He was lazy, yeah, but not nearly as lazy as she had been to cause something so dramatic.

What had she done? She hadn't been specific enough! She didn't say exactly how she wanted it to happen! Surely anything else would have been better than this! Her papa was home, just like she wanted, but not for any reason she'd have ever personally wished for. Not in a hundred years.

In the darkness of her room, Himawari rested on her bed, staring solemnly up at her ceiling. Her mind felt so clouded and full…much like the cursed object she held tightly within one hand. For an hour now, she'd only juggled it between her fingertips, tracing over its subtle designs. Inwardly, she wondered how such a thing was actually created. Did the little white cat she met doodle it beforehand before magically whipping it up on the spot? It sure had been pretty for a long time…it didn't even matter that what she'd asked for hadn't come true right away either- at least not immediately to her knowledge. Instead it'd been gradual.

A steady decline of health.

…And it brought her papa home. Just as she had wanted.

In the next room over, Himawari listened in despair to the worrisome sounds of coughing. It originally started out small. Barely noticeable. A little bit of cough medicine and some bed rest and things would be fine.

…But it wasn't.

" _Mom's sick, Hima. Dad's moving her to the hospital."_

Was it…her fault?

" _Try to be a good girl for your mom, okay sweetie? She's not feeling too good'ttebayo."_

Was she to blame?

" _Mom's coming back home today, Hima. The doctors are gonna come from now on so she feels more comfortable."_

Did they even know?

" _Lord 7_ _th_ _, may I speak to you about your wife?"_

Would they hate her?

" … _Condition worsening. Nothing much I can do."_

Did they know she was sorry?

"… _Not much time left, I'm afraid."_

She never saw her papa cry so hard that night. And yet…he hadn't even noticed her quietly watching him from the shadows as the tears rolled down his face. And all for what? So she could get him to stay home in the long run?

As the voice continued to fill her head, Himawari struggled to keep herself composed on her bed. For a thirteen year old, it was a lot for her to manage inside. Her whole world was falling apart. And so quickly too. In fact, immediately after she made that foolish wish, Himawari took to her new job surprisingly well. And just as her parents wanted, she went to the academy, learned the fluid ways of fighting as a kunoichi, and earned the growing admiration from her instructors. She was no prodigy, but she certainly hadn't been ashamed of her progress. Combined with the jobs she'd been given by the mysterious white cat, her overall success rate felt wonderfully high. She did what her papa did now! She stopped bad things from happening! She was saving people! She didn't want to regret all that she _thought_ she'd done…

"…Papa. I'm scared."

Her voice was thick with tears and her vision had long since blurred to a colorful mess from crying. Her determination had been so strong the night she accepted. She'd find the things the white cat spoke of, defeat them, and live her life continuously as a kunoichi and eventual zoo owner. That had been her dream…

"Help me…."

Was she dying? Her chest felt so heavy suddenly. The cursed object sitting in her hand had long since started to darken. It pained her to even look at it. She didn't know what the discoloration meant either. It'd been so shiny and beautiful before too. Now it seemed to do nothing but reflect her own pain and desperation. Was it possibly a punishment for failing to continue her job with fighting the strange creatures? How could she though with her mother fading away so quickly?

But maybe she was simply tired? The sudden strange illusions working their way around her room _surely_ must have been caused by her lack of sleep. However, had she noticed the creeping darkness leaking from the item in her hand around her body, she _might_ have thought differently. Instead, Himawari remained resting on her bed, watching in numbing idleness as the world around her began to alter.

Floating teddy bears. Clattering teacups with the scent of pancakes and pastries. Decorated kunai and scattered family photographs. Had the pain weaving its way throughout her body not felt so severe, she might have enjoyed the sight of it all. Maybe she was falling into a dream? The descent was confusing. The further she felt she was falling, the more distant her memories were becoming.

Why was she sad again? What was bothering her? She couldn't remember anymore. It all felt so suffocating.

"Papa…."

The word meant something to her, but it was fading fast. She couldn't even remember who it was associated with. It just caused an aching loneliness inside of her. It was torturous combined with the confusing sounds of rattling pills, distant coughing, and floating birthday cakes that repeatedly plummeted to the ground like rain.

"…Papa!"

Himawari couldn't hear her own voice anymore. The beautiful birthday candles that had been so carefully placed on the cakes now scattered the floor, lighting plush toys and blankets aflame. The young Uzumaki found herself so suddenly surrounded by the chaos. The coughing, which had sounded so distant earlier, had become a steady rumble around her. Joined voices singing 'Happy Birthday' slid in and out of existence. As the dark object worked to consume her and her memories, she reluctantly allowed her eyes to slide shut. Suddenly…she knew.

There would be no zoo in her future. No chuunin exams. No family.

…Only despair. But how sad it was now that the 7th's only daughter found herself so suddenly doomed to live the life of loneliness that he himself had fought so hard to escape from.


End file.
